I'm the asshole your mother warned you about I'm your worst nightmare

My Ideal Person Looking for the exact same thing as you! A specific, personal ideal of complete and utter perfection that just doesn't exist. An internet site like this has gotta be the best place to find that, right?!

So if you can't cook like Nigella Lawson, fuck like Gianna Michaels, haven't got Kelly Brook's body, Angelina Jolie's face, Carol Vorderman's intellect, and almost as much money as Kate Middleton, then don't bother me.

And it seems i need to spell this out: I don't jump through hoops for any woman, least of all some random internet bird, so I'm not sending my face out across cyberspace just because some self-entitled princess demands it in her opening message.